Senator Lindsey Graham was spotted living his best life at Disney World last weekend, enjoying a $41 character breakfast at Chef Mickey’s while 61,000 TSA employees work without pay and American soldiers dodge Iranian missiles in the Middle East. Staff at the Contemporary Resort tucked ol’ Lindsey away at a back table, but not before eagle-eyed patrons caught the 70-year-old senator yukking it up with Goofy — the cartoon character, not his Senate colleagues for once.
Truly inspiring leadership! Nothing says “I support our troops” like riding the teacups during a war you personally cheerleaded into existence.
Here’s the timeline for those keeping score at home. The DHS shutdown started on February 14th. TSA workers have now gone 87 days without a paycheck in fiscal year 2026. Nearly 500 TSA officers have flat-out quit.
Callout rates hit 55% at Houston Hobby International. Wait times at some airports ballooned past four and a half hours. And where was South Carolina’s senior senator while all this was happening? Getting his photo taken with Mickey Mouse in a blazer on an 80-degree day.
A blazer. At Disney World. In Florida. The man dresses like he’s heading to a debutante ball even when he’s standing in line for Space Mountain.
Graham, of course, had an excuse locked and loaded. He told TMZ he was “invited to a meeting in South Florida” with Trump official Steve Witkoff to discuss Saudi-Israel normalization. Then he just happened to drive 230 miles north to Orlando to “meet friends” at the happiest place on earth. Sure thing, Lindsey. And we just happened to notice.
“I voted 7 times to fully fund the government,” Graham whined to TMZ. “Call a Democrat.”
Real Profile in Courage stuff right there. We’re sure that will be a huge comfort to the TSA agent in Chicago who applied to Bath and Body Works and was told she was overqualified for a retail gig.
Meanwhile, back in the real world — you know, the one where people can’t afford character breakfasts — TSA workers are literally selling their blood to make ends meet. Acting Deputy TSA Administrator Adam Stahl told Congress that employees are “drawing blood to afford to pay for gas to get to work.” Others are sleeping in their cars between shifts. One single mother with a special-needs 3-year-old can’t afford childcare anymore.
These folks make an average of $35,000 a year. Lindsey’s breakfast with Goofy cost $41 before tip. The buffet line, as one observer noted, was “much shorter than the TSA lines around the country.”
(We couldn’t have written that joke if we tried.)
And let’s talk about that war Senator Warhawk has been so eager to get us into. At least 13 American service members have been killed since the strikes on Iran began in late February. More than 300 have been wounded. Iran just launched ballistic missiles and drones at Prince Sultan Air Base in Saudi Arabia, hitting at least 15 of our soldiers. The Pentagon is now prepping for ground operations near the Strait of Hormuz.
But sure — go enjoy the Haunted Mansion, Lindsey. We’re sure the troops totally understand.
Paul Dans — the guy who authored Project 2025 and is now primarying Graham — delivered the kill shot: “It’s very easy for Lindsey Graham to demand the sons and daughters of South Carolina go fight wars in the Middle East because he has no children of his own to chip in to those excursions.”
Ooof. That one’s gonna leave a bruise.
Graham’s other primary challenger, Mark Lynch — who owns Jeff Lynch Appliance Center in South Carolina — called him a “traitorous, back-stabbing flimsy flip flopper.” And the polls suggest voters are warming up to that description. On an initial ballot, Graham limps in at a pathetic 41%. After voters actually learn about Lynch, Graham craters to 23% while Lynch surges to 34%. Rasmussen’s Mark Mitchell said Graham is “one of the weakest incumbents I’ve seen.”
When your approval rating drops faster than the Tower of Terror elevator, it might be time to update the résumé.
Even Gavin Newsom’s press office couldn’t resist piling on. “Divas still need vacation,” they posted on X. When you’re getting dunked on by Gavin Newsom’s comms team and it actually lands? Buddy, you have hit rock bottom and started digging.
The whole mess is Congress’s fault, naturally. Both chambers skipped town for a two-week recess without resolving the DHS funding fight — now dragging into its seventh week. Senators won’t be back until April 13th. The House strolls in April 14th. In the meantime, TSA workers will keep showing up to jobs that don’t pay them, soldiers will keep dodging drones in the Persian Gulf, and Lindsey Graham will keep tweeting about “the courage of our men and women in uniform” from the monorail at the Magic Kingdom.
The South Carolina primary is June 9th. If the good people of the Palmetto State have any sense left, they’ll send Senator Graham on a permanent vacation. He’s clearly better at those than the job we’re paying him to do.
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